BAYSIDE
EXPECT IT: Spring (Label TBA)
Bayside frontman Anthony Raneri is surprisingly upbeat considering his band's current situation. "We don't have a label, title, producer or anythng," he says. "The way we've done it before, we would have needed cover art before the songs were written because of the tight deadlines." Having fulfilled their contract with Victory, Raneri is excited about his band's newfound freedom and is celebrating in true Bayside fashion. "I've just written a song about an hour ago," says Raneri, matter-of-factly. "We're always writing because time has always been an issue." After writing all of their previous records on the road, Bayside rented a house in the middle of the woods of Pennsylvania to work on new material. "We just want to make a big, over-the-top record," says Raneri. "Sort of a rock opera, but not in the classical sense. More like [Green Day's] American Idiot or [My Chemical Romance's] The Black Parade.The Walking Wounded was big, then with Shudder we stripped it back down a lot. With this one, we want to go back to what we did with Walking Wounded, but even bigger, with some hard left turns." Conceptually, Raneri says the new record is bound to feel more sincere because for the first time in his career, he's got personal issues to draw from. "I feel that in the past, I've had to dig a little deeper to find subject matter," he says. "I wrote a little more on theory, like questions I had in my life. This time, I have actual experiences to write about. There's a lot on my mind and a lot I want to get out." --Oakland L. Childers




I'm SO FUCKING excited :D
I don't care WHO is their label. as long as the album comes out in spring i will be completely satisfied :D

 Yesterday, my girlfriend and I dressed up as Jim and Pam from the office. At one door when we were trick or treating, somebody dressed as Dwight answered. When he saw us he said, "Oh, it's you two," set down his bowl, and gave us a peice of candy from his pocket. I'm afraid to open it. MLIA

I just realized how much this website makes my life. 

 "Today, my sister asked if she could have a copy of my Harry Potter soundtrack. When I asked her why she simple responded, "I want to listen to it while I'm on the train to Chicago so I can pretend I'm actually going to Hogwarts". I have taught her well. MLIA"

i will do this next time i am on a train!!!!

 

Brandon

danielle, you're so very good looking, and soooo fucking intelligent

just cause some other girls are older and can go to a stupid fucking bar

does NOT make them 'better' than you



i make bey drunk but that made my night
he's irght i can make thi work
i texted the boy i'm crushing on hardcore saying
"I like you, care about an dlets talk wehn we are sober'
i hope i'm not supid for that.

 so, i think its super frustrating that i'm starting to like somebody but i have NO IDEA whats going on in his head and since I dont know what he's thinking I dont even know how to act sometimes. FML. 
haha
God, I really do think I'm starting to like him a lot.
hmmmmm :)

Maybe Oshkosh was a good choice :D

BTW I do basically love it up there now. :)

 Most people think i'm really pathetic for this but when I got a text from my friend Jon telling me Harbors is closed and gone, I cried. Nobody really understands the love I have for John Harbors. Not only was it a place for me to hang out with my friends, it was honestly my home. i went there everyday after school. I worked on my homework there. I did my best writing pieces there. I've had good memories there. The owners became like a second set of parents. I could talk to Jeremy or Erin about anything and everything, they always made it a point for me to feel at home. Every one of those employee's minus one, have really become a huge part of my life. Brandon is a huge support system for me, always supporting me and helping me with everything. Somebody I can trust after everything him and i went through. His brother Kurt is also somebody I trust very much. Kurt really prooves his friendship and always makes sure I have a smile on my face. Devyn was always somebody I could talk to over coffee and cigarettes whether it was for 5 minutes on his smoke break or for 3 hours at the Oddy. Trevor is my best friend, I love him so much. Always somebody I can talk to. Jon is basically the same as Trevor and he's a goofball and always makes me laugh. Erin was new but she always knew how to make me laugh and I got a long with her really well. Lindzy was a sweetheart. 

I know i still have all these people. But it's hard for me to let go of a place I loved so much. It's hard to let go. As much as I do need to move on from it. Nobody will ever understand. I dont expect anybody to. I hate when people try to tell me to move on. I'm not fucking stupid, so don't tell me things I already know. I know your trying to be kind and caring and helpful, but trust me, you aren't. your just pissing me off. 


not going to lie this really topped off my really bad day.


The only other thing on my mind lately is the fact that I've finally moved on from everything with Brandon. And I actually really have feelings for somebody else. But the possibility of it work out seems very small. I'm trying not to get my hopes up but sometimes its just too damn hard >:/ 

 I fell in love!!!! He's so adorable!!! I decided while i'm up here and I have a car i'm going to be Volunteering at the Oshkosh Area Humane Society. I went to look on the website to get a look at what dogs i'd be working with and he was there. I'm really trying to get my parents to adopt him, otherwise i'm going to see if I have a friend around that can take him. I wanna see him end up in a great home :)

Things up in Oshkosh really aren't what I thought they would be. Nobody is as friendly as I was hoping. I made friends with Tara and Alyssa across the hall but thats about it, besides them I just talk to Leah, Gina, Brian, Melissa and Kaitlyn. I'm really hoping things can turn around otherwise I might transfer next year. I know it's only the first week which is why i'm not too worried about things changing, but I really haven't been happy up here yet.  My english class is super boring, but we started watching this movie called "Ghost World" today and I have seen parts of that movie and I've always wanted to see more so hopefully that goes well. Other than that Math is lame as usual and Spanish is....Spanish. 

I need something exciting to happen this is just.....boring :/

 

Maybe this is eternity, “Everything and nothing all at once”,

You told me outside that  mainstream, yet unique coffee house,

On that sunny chilly day.

 

Time has flown by faster than I can recall,

It seems like just yesterday I was happy, and I had thought you were too,

Things were good,

But that was months ago.

 

The pain is still fresh as it rushes through my veins,

I just want to drain all my blood to avoid the continuous pain,

But I can’t even get myself to do that,

So I stumble through the days,

I hope it will become bearable.

 

It feels like just yesterday, and I want it to go away,

All the pain you caused me,

Inside and out,

Just because your ego couldn’t handle “no”.

Blame it on the alcohol; you’re still not forgiven.

 

The pain is fresh as it sears through my veins,

I just want to drain my blood and make it go away,

But I can’t even do it,

So I stumble through everyday hoping,

Someday, it will go away.

 

You were my rock, my best friend for life,

I never saw it coming but it changed our lives.

You met some new friends,

They were “cool” and “hip”

Everything you wanted to help fit in.

But you were young and naive,

So a “toot” of a line was really “no big deal”

 

But then it took over and you were never the same,

We try and keep in touch, but its kind of a joke.

Last time I heard you were back in jail,

Dealing or running away I can’t recall,

But at 18 you shouldn’t be there at all.

 

The pain is fresh as it pumps through my veins,

I’d do anything to drain my blood and make it go away,

But I can’t even do it.

Strong, or weak, take it how you choose,

So I just stumble through today hoping to make it to the next.

 

I’m your daughter.

Your own flesh and blood, but I swear you despise me,

When all I look for is love

I bend and I turn, and I twist and break,

I’ve made my fair share of mistakes, but we’re all human

I thought that was ok?

 

The pain is fresh and flows in my veins,

Somebody help me, make it go away, help me drain the pain.

But nobody’s helping, I can’t even help myself,

So I stumble through today, waiting for the end.

 

My parents and I agreeed to have my checking account balance at roughly $600.00 before i left for school.
I have barely used my account since it was at about $700. The i had to buy half my texts books, that was $300, then i wanted a new camera from my work that was $250. THen i only used my card for gas. I just got notice in the mail that i'm roughly -$200. I leave for school in a week and a half. the camera is apparnetly non returnable. 

Now, i need to buy my spanish text books and I have ZERO dollars. I cannot tell my parents about this unless I want to get kicked outt.
Here's how you can help,
I'm willing to sell the new camera for $200
its a Sony DSC H10:
 I paid like $250, and it comes with everything and a 3 year warranty on anything including dropping it.

Otherwise i'll sell you my old one the Sony DSC W80:


Make an offer and we can work it out.

++++++I have a $300 gift card to Best Buy. I cant use it for anything but that would be the ultimate key to getting out of debt. PLEASE if you would trade me for cash that i can put in my bank I will owe you everything.

I am also selling South Park Season 1-10 since I never watch it anymore. i'm thinking like $5 per season. otherwise let me know and i'm willing to make a deal. I have other things i'm going to sell like books and a few cd's 
I"m going to half priced books on Saturday to sell the books and dvd's so if you want those please let me know i'd rather see a friend take them then sell em off.



If you have any advice or way to help me please let me knoww!!!

 "You don’t even realize what you are doing.

How can you be so naive?

You’re bending and breaking yourself

All for the one you claim to be

“The one that got away”

Well my dear, the one that got away isn’t what you think.

 

You twist and you turn

Doing anything you can to get the chance you never had

She strings you along not realizing its not just you she’s breaking.

You say this is the last time she’s going to hurt you

But the following day you’re tripping over every word she says.

 

You’ve told me how it is for you

But did you ever realize how it might be for me?

Pretending everything is ok,

Going around with this fake, pathetic smile plastered on my face?

I think up days of you and me that never happened

Just so I can fall asleep at night to something other than the pain in my chest.

 

You’re the perfect match for me,

The missing piece to the puzzle we call life,

Without you I would truly be nothing,

The problem is you don’t want to be my puzzle piece.

You’re waiting to be the piece to her puzzle.

But at what cost to you?

I can’t sit around and wait anymore,

But if I don’t sit and wait for you I don’t know what I’m really going to do anymore."


blahhhhhhhh i gave up on this one. it got too stupid and long and more like a letter to him than a poem about the situation. 
:/

 "I have to restore my sanity

And my faith in humanity

It all went out the window

Along with my hopes of “us”

 

Countless tears have been shed over countless lies

Because of family and friends,

The ones that I thought I loved,

But it all went out the window

Along with my hopes of “us”

 

Where did I go wrong?

Did I try too hard,

Or not hard enough,

I don’t even think you know what to think

But it all went out the window

Along with my hopes of  “us”

 

I had dreams of traveling

Finding myself while fulfilling my dreams

Gaining life experience to share with everybody

But that all went out the window

Along with hopes of “us”

 

I wanted to be my own person

Somebody independent and sensible,

A young woman with a proud head on her shoulders

But that all went out the window

Along with hopes of “us”

 

I wanted to hold onto the happiness

The butterflies in my stomach and the real smile on my face,

But it all went out the window

Along with hopes of “us”

 

I don’t think I’ll ever find myself,

I will never be my own person,

And I won’t be happy because,

It all went out the window

Along with hopes of “us”"

I wrote that last night sitting at John Harbors basically alone for 3 hours.
I don't know how i feel about it but I know it really did feel good to write again.
I'm going to try and make it a daily habit to write more :)

 Shit. I'm going insane!!!! I've been working between 34-50 hours a week and its driving me to exhausting. I come home everyday and take a 3+ Hour nap, yet i still feel exhausted when i wake up and i end up going to bed early since i always have to get up at 4am to get to work on time. I feel like i've had a terrible summer and it's completely bumming me out. I have a lot coming up soon though so i'm quite pleased.

July 29th: Spanish Placement test up @ Oshkosh. Probbably hanging out with some people up there for a bit. Oddy with Clancy and AJ around 9 and knowing AJ and I, we'll end up there till about 1 am.

July 30th: WARPED TOUR!!!!! So excited. There weren't too many bands i was interested in but BAYSIDE is there and they are my soul reason for going :D +Innerpartysystem, Streetlight Manifesto.

August 1st: Grad Party. Now, i'm really not friends with this person and frankly I don't like them at all, but I found out one of my teachers is going and I miss her a ton so she said I should go so I could see her.

August 8th: MADDIE'S GRADUATION PARTY. Maddie moved up to Minnesota back in January and I've only seen her once since she moved up there. I've really missed the shit out of her and so her Grad party will hopefully a good time to catch up instead of just chatting on the phone. 

September 6th: Oshkosh Move in. The day i'm counting down to. There are so many things i'm afraid to leave behind yet so many things I need to leave behind. I  can't wait to be up there!!!

Anberlin, Modest Mouse, Bayside, Against Me!, A Day To Remember, David Cook, New Found Glory, Paramore, Spoon, Jack's Mannequin, Violent Femmes, Chiodos, The Offspring, The Tossers, Dropkick Murphy's, Flogging Molly, The Killers, The Clash, Reel Big Fish, Weezer, The Spill Canvas, Carolina Liar, Mayday Parade, 3OH!3, Queen, The Bravery, Air Traffic, Angel's and Airwaves oorrrrrr Third Eye Blind.

seeing as those are my current and craziest addictions :)

life is changing around me, and its changing quickly,
yet i feel like i'm the same person that i don't want to be anymore.
i'm stuck in the same rut i've been in since April.


I'm buying a new car behind my parents back after they repeatedly told me i could not buy it.
I will be buying it soon as i am 18 and my money from my savings account is transfered to checking.
i'm so excited. this car is FANTASTIC :)

Buying this car is really going to be a huge issue in my house. I have a strong likelihood of getting kicked out and i am fully aware of it.
A lot of people think i'm a complete idiot for buying this car when i have a perfectly good car sitting right in front of me that i didn't have to pay for, and i don't have to pay insurance for. But honestly i don't think people understand. It's not the idea that i like it better, and its a "better car" i'm doing it for one, because its only $3,000, which is a great deal for that car, number two which is a HUGE one is the fact that my parents have less control. They use my car as a complete tool of control "if you don't do >_________, we're taking your car away" etc. and i'm really frustrated with the fact that they run my life on the fact that I NEED MY CAR. I need to drive to work, i need to run errands for family that doesn't like driving, i help my friends out and drive them to work, and i need it for recreational use, they know all this, so they know its the prefect way to get me to do things that i would already do if they weren't so rude about it. The last reason, which is a good reason i guess, but not at all a reason for me choosing to buy this car is Brandon just bought an M3, and needs to sell this one so he can pay his uncle back the rest of the money for his new car. He was having terrible luck trying to sell it but me buying it is pretty much taking all that weight off his shoulders which is very nice for him.

I started working weird shifts at work now too. Once summer started I had been working the 5am-1pm shifts. I like this shift a lot because I love what they call, "tasking" and just working on unloading truck and putting things away. But this week starting last night into this morning i'm doing third shift. As depressing as it is, we have begun putting up "Back to School" things at Office Max, and the due date to have this stuff done is closing time on Saturday. Don and I are going to be there every night from around 10 till about 7 am working our asses off to change the whole store around by Saturday. It's a lot of work but, i'm ok with that. I'm making decent money which will come in handy if the parents do kick me out of the house. 

A long with the car, for my 18th birthday, which is coming up faster than i thought, i'm treating myself to a tattoo! I'm completely excited and i can't wait. My parents really wont mind and i've wanted one for years, so now its just the right time. 

I feel like turning over a new leaf this summer. Hanging out with some new people before i leave in early September and staying close to the ones i have and love right now. But i honestly can't wait to get out of here, i feel like once i'm away from home and in school and fully only own i will really be able to turn over a new leaf and fully appreciate my life.

Wow. Who am I anymore? I really don't know what happened to me anymore. I seriously don't do anything with my life anymore. I work. I eat. I sleep. I breathe. Sure i hang out with my friends. But half the time I'm thinking about how I would be totally fine sitting at home all the time and just keeping to myself. I think that might be what I need. I'm sitting around waiting on something without knowing if i'm ever going to even get an answer. I feel like i'm wasting my time yet this is the only thing i've ever felt is worth fighting for. I want to fight for this. But if it's a waste of my time sitting and waiting, i'd rather i just find that out. Yet I know nothing. I'm in the dark and it's driving me to pure insanity, and i'm sadly not even joking. 

I can't watch movies anymore. I just get so bored I don't want to watch them anymore. I sit there and I can't even give an opinion on a movie becuase I was too pissed off while I was watching it or just completely distracted by other things on my mind. Same goes for music. I have 4,431 songs on my iTunes yet i can't stand any of it. Books are completely hopeless. I have so many i'm trying to read, too many I want to read but soon as i crack open one of my lovely books, my mind is somewhere else that I have to put it down to try and clear my head.

I feel completely numb and I don't know what to do... 

 Who the fuck am I?
I don't even know anymore.

Things have changed, yet again. Some good, some bad. I'll get over it.
Hanging out with a wider group of people, which is nice.
LOVE hanging with Courtney and AJ :)

Yet, i'm so unhappy. I thought this past fall was bad, but right now i feel like i'm at a really low point.
I feel like i dug myself into this hole and I have zero hope of getting out.

After a rough first semester, i vow to kick ass second semester. After looking at the lives of a few people I know, I realized I have so much a head of me. I was accepted to the College I wanted and parents that are willing to support me with it, I have a decent job, and friends that will always have my back.  I need to keep this in mind and just keep on pushing through to get to where I want to be in life.

I've been hanging out with Kati so much more lately and it's been the greatest ever. On Tuesday when we got out at 10:45, we went to Mayfair and had a blast just trying stuff on and goofin around. Afterwards, we went back to her house and changed, Chilled at John Harbors and Krugers bowling alley for a bit before I took her to work. When Kati went to work I went to George Webb's with Trevor for a few hours till Kati was free again. Trevor headed home and I went back to Webb's to get the group together for our trip. When Brandon FINALLY got off work at 9:30, we all divided up to go to Rochambo's down on the East Side. I had never been there so I said i needed either Brandon or Phil in my car. Kati and Kurt said they could get there just fine so I ended up with BOTH boys in my car and Kati took Kurt Devyn and Alex Clancy. Kati was a scary ass driver on the freeway but it was funny. Brandon Phil and I got there first because Kati and Kurt really had no idea where they were going, and got lost. haha. I parked and put money in the meter and we went inside. At like 11:10, I figured we'd head out because we had to be back at Kati's by 12 and we still had to take everybody home/to their cars. At 11:17, I got to my car and I now had Phil, Brandon and Kurt in my car. I was about to get on the freeway when I saw I had something on my windshield. Phil stuck himself out the window to get it. A FUCKING PARKING TICKET. It said my meter was out. GAY. I looked at the time on it. 11:15! ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Kati was being such a spazz in there and taking forever to get her shit together and I was two minutes too late. Damn. There was 22 bucks out the window. But, the car ride back was funny because Kati passed me up and was driving like an idiot on the freeway. Brandon and Kurt were scared but still impressed when I hit 95 on the freeway. It scared the shit out of me but I'm an adrenaline junkie so I soaked that shit up! Kati took Clancy and Devyn home while I took all the other boy's to John Harbor's to get their cars and head home. It was a fun ass time :)

I'm loving what i'm doing and i'm loving where i'm going in my life. I just need to keep my head on straight and focus on the future. I'm so happy with everything except my family but with everything i've been doing I haven't had to be home to deal with it. Thank god :)

How is everybody else doing? School? Work? Chillin before college? college? how is everything and everybody? :)